Better attitude!

I was talking to Grandma Farm yesterday and when certain people ask me how I'm doing I don't hold anything back & I tell them exactly how I've felt (grandma is one of these lucky people...)  She just listens and talks she doesn't scold me or give me advice.  She mentioned that Pat (her sister) has a grandchild Cora that is completely mute, has a feeding tube, and doesn't move on her own.  She mentioned that when her brothers come into the room the parents say she just lights up (Grandma wasn't sure how they could tell, because she's never seen Cora react in anyway, maybe it's in her eyes) anyway she didn't tell me this to get me off my pity party, it was for a completely different reason, but it was what I needed to hear.

For the first time I can say I'm grateful for this challenge.  It really could be worse.  I am honored to be given this special spirit and hope to be worthy to feel the spirit and love that will be in abundance around this little one.  I am so EXCITED to meet my sweet baby.

Last night I decided I was going to have a change of attitude & look forward to meeting this little one, and while I still will I got a phone call from Davis Hospital because I have an appt to meet with Dr Silver & they estimate my hospital bill only to be $566 if I pay within 14 days then they'll give me a 25% discount and it'll be $425 (I LOVE Davis Hospital for that reason by the way)!!  However I'm at the point in my pregnancy of needing to be seen by an OB every two weeks $425 is just not something I can afford every 2 weeks, so of course I was frustrated and bawled (roller coaster)!!!

Primary says I don't have to be delivered by a Perinatologist, but even a midwife the only problem is they need to be affiliated with the University of Utah so they can deliver me there.  Guess how many OBs are covered by my ins that are affiliated with the U or U? 4 and 3 of the 4 are Perinatologists so chances of a different scenario is not likely.

Silver was going to transfer my care completely to himself & I'd stop seeing my midwife, but if it means $425 twice a month I think I'm better off seeing my midwife & him occasionally like one more time!  Then have him there to deliver.  So frustrating, trying to figure out what to do!

PS I'm delivering naturally, no epidural, seriously considering Hypnobirthing or at least some of the techniques, maybe they Hypnotist can deliver my baby?!  I'll talk with Silver on Thursday, but I'm pretty sure I'm dead set AGAINST being induced, pretty sure there's no reason I need to be, so unless I'm wrong this baby will come out when it's ready.